thursday night tv...

well thursday night tv seems to kinda slow down the creating process... my felt cutter and i get caught up in the office and my name is earl... i've been bad at blogging everyday...

i'm kinda grouchy at the moment... and gassy... we had chili dogs for dinner...

i have a meeting in the morning with my "real job"... i have to get up... get dressed... and be there for five whole minutes... uuuuggggg...

okay so i'm not feeling really bloggy... so here is a list

ten things that i hate about the holidays...

1) christmas day was the last time i saw my brother alive three years ago
2) how they put christmas trees out before halloween
3) that people are more wrapped up shopping than WHY we have christmas
4) the mail sucks this time of year
5) walmart is extremely crowded at all hours
6) i usually gain weight
7) mistletoe doesn't work
8) its cold
9) usually means the end of good tv for the year
10) i wont get to do the 20 dollar gift challenge with my husband this year...

i promise the next one won't be so grouchy...

VOTE FOR ME!!!!

well i just found out that i have been picked as one of 60 toymakers on Esty to be in the voting for best kids gift for the year... i just started three weeks ago... and this is a huge huge deal for me... i'm just in shock!

so please guys... go vote for my chocolate chunk cookies...

here is the link... and tell everyone you know to go vote for me... PLEASE!!!

http://www.etsy.com/voter_list.php?room_id=25

thanks everyone!!!

i can make a million pancakes... and my ham is great...

i need to be better about taking photos during the day of the things that happen... and things i do...

i have to brag about something... my ham made it to the childrens gift guide.... i started crying when i saw it... cause i've worked so so hard on this... and i really couldn't believe that it was there... they like me... they really really like me... i have visions of toys toys everywhere... oh to be a toy maker... oh to be the NUMBER one toy maker!!! that's my new goal...

ha!

so simmy did show up today... and actually he's still here right now... and its midnight... i can't believe he's just sitting here watching tv with me...

we got alot done today... so so so many pancakes... and a bunch of eggs too...
more tomorrow and hopefully i'll be caught up soon...

and the best thing is... we got ALONG today...

okay here is a list of my favorite tv shows

1) big bang theory
2) fact of life
3) heros
4) project runway
5) the cosby show
6) my name is earl
7) big brother
8) the king of the hill
9) guiding light
10) the office

dump cramps...

simmy was supossed to be here an hour ago... he told me he would come over and help me cut out felt and package up orders and stuff... but he's late... and it's giving me dump cramps... i got up this morning... took a shower... made my face pretty... put in my new button bobby pins from wainbows... vacuumed the floor and now i wait... and the longer i wait... the more i get dump cramps...

i dunno if he will ever actually show up... he's always late for everything... and he will have some lame excuse about why he wasn't here... but still... i wait in anticipation...

i didn't make a list on lastnights post... and it bothered me as i tried to go to sleep... so here is a list for today...

ten of my favorite foods...

1) boiled beef with mashed potatos and green peas... i know it sounds gross.. but really it's just roast that has been pressure cooked with a gravy and you put it over mashed taters
2) carrot cake
3) cherry coke
4) saagwalla which is curried chicken and spinach indian style
5) tacos!
6) salsa
7) my mom in law's lasagna
8) red velvet cupcakes
9) gumbo
10) really good pulled pork bbq

that was a good list... got my mind off of the obvious for about five seconds...

alrighty... off to cut felt

snowflakes... pancakes and weiners...

i've been trying to make snowflake ornaments all evening... i went back to walmart at like 11 tonight to get some all white candy canes for the tree... but they didn't have any... i'm not crazy right?... they used to make them i thought... well i looked them up online... and i only found one place for them.... oh well... i'll figure something else out...

i've gotten alot of orders today ... mostly pancakes... so ive been sewing and cutting pancakes all day... it's all good though... i think i'll get caught up tomorrow and be able to make that pizza that i've been wanting to do...

so... simmy is coming over tomorrow morning... to help me cut felt... to help me pack orders... the fact that he is coming over here at all is a really big thing... i have to admit i'm nervous to spend time with him... and he's my HUSBAND... it's so weird... but i'm very thankful for this time we will have together... because i know God is still working...

i finally uploaded those pictures that i took in the middle of the night after i had been crying for so long... they are so real... so beautiful in a way... so honest...

well i wanted to put the photos here... but it seems that they wanted to be at the first of the post... and i'm too tired to try to figure out how to fix that...

i moved haleighs bed... and i put the christmas tree in her spot... she is displaced but doing okay with it...

ree

nancy grace... poop and Jesus...

nancy grace is spewing her craziness at me... and i'm not sure why i have tuned in to her... i've been talking in the Etsy chatrooms about various things... such as ... did Jesus poop...

uhhhh... i hope so... otherwise he would have been really grouchy... i know i can't go more than just a day or two before i turn into a grouch if i don't have the kind of poop that makes you want to run around the block... you know those kind... those poops that make you want to squeal with joy when your done and you feel so fantastic you could take a run around the block real quick like...

i didn't go to church today... i've been so drugged up on these painkillers that the doctor gave me for the fibro pain that i didn't feel up to going... i should have called in sick...

things i've learned about myself today... ten things... here we go

1) i don't like it when people leave cabinet doors open... it makes me crazy
2) too many beans in chili gives me gas... really really bad gas
3) people think i'm funny... it always amuses me when people say that... cause... i just say what goes through my head... simmy always said... my thoughts were funny...
4) i can eat an entire pecan pie in five days
5) the scrubbier the soap the more i like it...
6) i am really bad at paperwork... but really good at dreaming
7) when running on grass in your unders... you should wear good shoes... with good tread
8) if i slow down... i can sew straight seams
9) i remembered my love of mary engelbrite... and i probably spelled her name wrong
10) Dad still loves me... even when i play hookey from church

i told stories of John Thomas and i tonight... and he should be here in just a week to visit... i miss him so much... and i can't wait to watch trashy tv with him...

as far as my felt is going... i can't seem to make it fast enough... but i haven't had time to paint... and i'm starting to miss painting... i need more hours in the day... i have too many ideas .... to get out and not enough time to do them....

I Am Thankful...

I am blessed...

ten things i am thankful for

1) my family

2) my friends

3) my apartment

4) groceries and gas

5) my dog and my cat

6) the little things that make my life comfortable

7) satalite tv

8) freedom

9) my car

10) my future

the photo is an old 1920's macy's thanksgiving day parade balloon

Self Examination...

i've just spent that last two hours in my room crying... praying... and otherwise examing myself... i got up once to come take pictures of my bloated swollen eyes... a record of what i look like when my heart is torn...

nothing different has brought me to this place of tears... things are pretty much the same... if not better... and yet i feel like i have growing pains... i'm tearing away at what i thought i knew about myself and as each layer falls away... it hurts with an intensity that i didn't expect...

i dreamed lastnight of etsy... of creating alice in wonderland plush dolls... and i half wonder if i was dreaming or if the creativity was just in a suspended state of animation... if only i had written these things down...

i'm overwhelmed right now with the intake of information that i'm getting about myself... not from other people but simply from myself... it hurts so badly to not know who i am at this age... and to know that i am not sure if i've ever had the balls to say what i really want in life... to know what i really want in life for fear that i won't recieve it... so here we go... another blessed list... and this time i am serious... completely and utterly fearful in writing these ten things... for fear that they will never be seen in the natural...

1) a husband who loves me and cherishes me... and brags on me
2) a daughter... i want a daughter so bad i feel like i'm mourning for a child i never knew
3) an old house to live in... a cottage... electic... where my art will fit in
4) a relationship so close to God that i don't have to wonder if it was His voice i was hearing...
5) a homebased business of my art... one that i can have freedom in
6) family where simmy's side... and my side get together for holidays... all of us... as one big family
7) i want enough money that i can give to people who are in my situation right now...
8) a clear understanding of WHO i am... what i like... what i don't like... and why i am this wa
9) i want wisdom and discernment in all things
10) i want everything that has been taken from me... emotionally... physically... spiritually... restored to me ten fold....

these are things i know i want in life... these are the things that no matter what i do... the desire for them keep coming back up time and time again...

will the real ophelia please stand up?

she is the real brains behind the operation... she sits beside me most of the time that i work... and somehow she has removed the f3 key from my laptop... in fact... i'm fighting with her right now because she's making biscuts on my chest and i can't see around her to type...

i haven't created anything today... i slept late and then got up and worked at cleaning the house... but i didn't really make much of a dent in anything... i dyed a sweater that i have been wanting to dye for a long while... so i guess i accomplished something... i only had one client today... and then i fought the crowds at walmart so i could buy a new pair of kneesocks to make some arm warmers out of...

i've been feeling very odd the last few days... i'm enjoying the freedom of being on my own so much that i almost in a very small way... don't want things to change... and yet at the same time i want very much for my husband to be back in my life on a daily basis... it grieves me that i don't want to spend time with him right now... but i guess i should just be reveling in it for the time being...

i want to redecorate the apartment... or at the very least... organize my studio... i have to do this on a budget of nothing... so it will all have to be repurposed or thrift shop finds...

i'm trying to find out WHO i am... i thought i was one thing... but it seems that i morph into something else... i do this alot... i'm constantly changing who i am and what i want to be... and what i do... does that mean i don't truly know who i am??? ... or am i just one of those people who change with their mood and whim....

ten things i know to be true...

1) i love making lists

2) chai tea is one of my favorite things

3) although i love tv with a passion... i think my life was better without it

4) i am a romantic

5) God is the most important thing in my life

6) black looks best on me

7) i'm growing neater with my old age

8) blonde hair is not meant for me

9) i can go weeks without shaving my legs

10) i'm one of the most random people i know

tomorrow is thanksgiving... and i have a lot to be thankful for... even with the trials and pain of the last few months... even through the tears... i am thankful for my husband... i am thankful for this life... i am thankful

i don't know why i can't sleep...

it's 11:30 at night and i've yet to sleep... i have so much work to do... and i haven't accomplished as much today as i wanted to... i made the rag doll i've been comissioned to do and then i decided to redo it cause i wasn't completely pleased...

i struggle with the part of my life that i will put on here... but being the open book that i am... i will just go ahead and lay it all out here for you... for arts sake... you should know the creator...

the last few days i've found that i am enjoying living alone... not the being alone... but the freedom i have to create... the creativity flows constantly... in and out of my body like water... its like i'm in a frenzy to create all that i can before my life gets put back together... i want it to be put back together and yet i want to hold on to some of this new Jen that i've found... this new me that really is the old me that somehow got lost in the chores of being the model wife...
the model wife that i failed at being...

not to be meloncholy or... too much... but it is part of my process right now i think...

and to me... process is most of the journey of making art

on a completely different note... here is a list of things i like

1. looking for shooting stars
2. the smell of fresh hay
3. a big pile of blankets on my bed
4. black kitties
5. really cold cake... with really cold milk
6. how my hands look after i've been painting
7. country looking cottages
8. warming myself by the wood burning stove
9. cemetaries... old ones
10. my husbands laugh...

this is the begining of a new chapter in my life... well maybe not the very begining... but pretty darn close anyway... i make it my pledge... to myself... not to my readers to try and blog everyday... i thought i would start with a list of things i'm going to try to accomplish today...

Today

i woke up late to the sun streaming in on my face

i took the trash out

i found that ophelia had excaped during the wee morning hours through

the open window... and was meowing to be let in

i photographed some new pieces for http://www.opheliamcphee.etsy.com/

i cleaned up bits of felt and thread from the living room floor

i ate some left over mac and cheese

i emailed... played the feature seller game... and otherwise did

internetty things

i made a felt taco

more internetty things

i will take a shower

i will take a client to walmart

i will buy fabric for a rag doll commission

i will go to dinner with Carmen

i will make five pieces of bacon

i will watch heros

i will go to bed early

its good to make goals for the day...